nehnehneh

2009-09-14T23:04:00.000+08:00

hey, i just got back from an outing with my boyfriend and bestfriends. i know i havnt been updating, well obviously when i do update, its just that somethings bugging my mind and i need to let it out.. i am happy yknw, especially when well suprisingly, everything between us is so smooth, nothing to be worried of. but the fact that i still think im no good enough for him. sigh. its just hard, from where my position was back then, to be in this situation now with a boyfriend so sincere and really really nice.. i cant cope with it.. i dnt wanna hurt him.. idk what to do seriously.. hmm, idk what m talking abt.. jst letting out to lessen the pain.. sigh.. im out. continue next time maybe.

August.

2009-08-05T20:18:00.001+08:00

At last, dapat jua sign in, after several attempts! HAHA :\ My mind is bothered right now, so I have decided to write again. Huhu. So anyway, yesterday was one of my best days with him so far :) enough said.

Talking about ultra ego, I'll rephrase, a very great definition of Raihana Yusof. I think at times, Im just so selfish. At times, its like all I care about is how to satisfy my life with everything. Taluu ba aku :( heh.. Its time to have some other priorities.. Kan?

He's not replying.. Where is he? I miss him so much.. Sigh..

Sunday the 19th.

2009-07-19T20:10:00.001+08:00

This is how I brag myself, through this thing right here. So whats new? Im in quarantine mode from yesterday till this coming Tuesday, 21st July. I'll be back in school on Wednesday if I dont show any symptoms. Why? My math classmate who is positive of H1N1 somehow attend classes yesterday, so just for percautions. Semua tah kana quarantine. Means no test on Tuesday and aku ada two more days to revise cos I know test on Wednesday tu. HAHAHA. Popular bah H1N1 ani, season orang kan menyanyi lagu risau risau. See, its scary how close I was to the disease. But to me, we just have to be strong mentally and physically. Jgn luan dpikirkan, and jaga kebersihan. Eseh cematulah.

Ish, I love that dude ah. That dude who I cant seem to resist! Everyday is always a new day, with his new mystery atu lagi. Sayang, I love you even more each day. Hehe. Thats all.

Hmm.

2009-07-09T18:38:00.001+08:00

I HATE HER. There, i said it. I cant stand it anymore. She's the reason why im insecure at all times. Why cant you just tell her to not bother us anymore?

Sigh. Im trying to be patient because I really do love him, but my mind's halfway losing control. It hurts and the pain is unbearable. The thought that left me thinking.. Thinking if she still crosses your mind somehow. Baby time will tell, this affects my heart badly, and Im trying my best to heal it on my own.

2009-07-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

2nd day of school, full of awesummness. There's not much to say and I lack of time to do this because I have assignments to do. Hehe. He makes me smile, always :) enough said.

chow naw.

2009-07-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

I had a very hard time signing in because I forgot my password, haha. And somehow, my mind's really distracted by whats around me. Sigh. So... Today...

I woke up late and I was kindof late for school today but my registration teacher said it wasnt late so twas all good. Hehe. I was smilling like hell when I saw the Katok's building today :D met Bil, As and Soul. Didnt get to see my boyfriend today but its okay, there is tomorrow. Hehe. I slept in the afternoon, cos I think I didnt get enough sleep lastnight.

Its 8.35pm now, and Im kindof not in the mood. Something happened again, something so childish. Again. Ishh. Im so disappointed :\ and I hope my heart and mind can stand all this. Enough said. Ni, mencari ilham kan buat math pasal teacher ku cakap esuk misti antar. Haha. Time is limited now, yatah. Alum lagi ada, huhu.

bah thats all. seriously mcm nada my mood.

A week.

2009-07-05T22:04:00.000+08:00

Today mark 1 minggu with him, so far I am happy but somehow, people are at their very best to ruin this for me.. World please... Aku nda kacau kamu, please jangan kacau aku. Huhu. Atleast for once, let me enjoy my life without failing and tumbling down again. Ngalih ku sudah kan sakit2 ani, seriously, just leave me alone. Huhu.

So aniways.. Mum and dad went to Miri tadi, dalam diam. HAHA. Supaya kami inda beriya-iya kan ikut. Nyeh. Im really excited for school tomorrow. Just hoping that things are normal again around me. The thing happened lastnight was so absurd and wrong and CHILDISH.

Lastly, just so you know.. Org menjahati aku ne biasa dah, tapi jangan exceed limit, mun nda aku yg melatup, melatup jua muka mu atu. Huhu :S seriously, leave me alone.

Another drama.

2009-07-05T00:27:00.002+08:00

Aku pun inda tau, sejauh mana kami bertahan. Mun had dugaannya cemani. It hurts when the one I love ckp aku buat ia disappointed.. Padih sangat, semua ni gnya dpt ku talan mati2. Sakitt.. Sigh. Berserah saja arah tuhan.

Dear sayang, bear in mind, I never meant to hurt you in any way. I'll cherish you till the very end, for you are the light that shines through my days, and the moon and estrellas that blooms during the nights. You are my happiness, what matter most now is you.. Your feelings.. I thank god for giving me such a loving person like you. Thank you sayang, for this chance, I will indeed prove to you that I am not the same person I was before. Because with you, I am a better person.

I love you sayang. I really do.

2009-07-04T15:28:00.000+08:00

Hi again. Im just bored and currently not in the mood, haiya. I hope school re-opens on monday. Stress tahap maxima and I cant stand this any longer. Huhu. I was gonna do my business essay assignment, tapi hilang mood what to do. Might as well do it later or tomorrow. Later lagi keLambak. I heard my mum and my aunts kan aerobic pakai lagu poco-poco. Wth? HAHAHA. But yeah, I tried it already with bil and it was awesummmme. Hehe.

I cant wait to see him =D I really do hope school buka balik on monday.
tata.

2009-06-29T13:28:00.001+08:00

We are official yesterday. A very best day for me, never will I forget that moment sayang. I love you so much.

You know, relationships aint pure without ups and downs. But we are passing an early stage, but dah tah ada down. Huhu. I sad banar but it wont let me down. Its just, somehow I wish he knows how to make me atleast feel okay about it..

I love him, I really do. God, please make it less complicated for us. Huhu.

2009-06-28T00:40:00.000+08:00

Number busy...
Insecurities.
Negative ba. Huhu :\

trying to throw these bad feelings away, with upmost effort.

Saturday night.

2009-06-27T23:31:00.001+08:00

Not much is done today but I had fun, hehe. Ani I just got back home and Im so exhausted. Texted my baby but he hasnt replied yet, probably still busy because ada acara at his cousin's place. Hehe. Jahat him tadi because he teased me about flirting and stuff *sayang, cuba ta :D* hehe. So anyway, eventhough I ate quite alot today but I still am hungry. Huhu.

there isnt much to tell, really.
Sayang, I love you with all my heart. I can never see myself loving anyone else but you because you possesed my heart. Id dwell without you baby. Hehe =)

taa.
Reggaeton is rad hot!

Transformer 2.

2009-06-26T18:20:00.002+08:00

Hi again. Straight to the point, I have an outing with the MC family lastnight. We were supposed to watch Transformer 2 at 10plus but somehow every movie theatre Jeff called said the seats were fully-booked. Iatah, teng teng, we watched the 12.10am one in Empire. It was heaps loaded of fun, except for the fact that I was freezing to death. Haha. I rate the movie, 10 out of 10 (Y) really! It is actually the best movie Ive seen so far this year. Eventhough I tak bayar, tak rugi $9 tau, betul betul betul. HAHAHA. I would want to watch it again and again and again. Extra credits for the good graphics, sadang hot main actor and his hot girlfriend. Haha apakan. Enough said.

The movie finished around 2plus and I only reached home at 3. I did told him I was gonna call him lapas the movie and I did, poor baby mono tbangun. Hehe x) I closed my door for love and my heart was hard as stone, but when he came, he took away my heart, which was long ago broken, now strengthened to form a whole new better heart equipped with feelings that I assume no other people have the ability to make that happen but him. See how he has that effect on me, this is just so amazing, I can only call it perfect for me for he is the love of my life. Im just so happy to have him around. Hehe.

ayte. thats all.

Lalala.

2009-06-25T11:23:00.000+08:00

Hi :D I recovered from my sickness, but my hormones are still messing up my days. Im doing alright though. Hehe. Anywaaays, Im looking forward to go out later. I dont know why but Im uber positive today. I want to meet him yknow, like outside, but I dont know how to ask him bah. Me no guts. Hehe.

I havnt been to the studio like lama sudah. I miss that place yatah. I might go later or tomorrow. Later I doubt pulang cos Im going out with Bils. Hehe. Bah, in for updates later. Miss him so much =)

Hari sakit sedunia.

2009-06-22T22:00:00.001+08:00

I guess everyone in my family is sick right now. Kuat banar virusnya mum ani, huhu. I cant stand being sick like this, bagi kan mengusut saja. Sigh. My dad asked me to atleast makan ruti because I cant barely swallow anything dari tadi and I need to makan ubat jua. Funny how eating can be less enjoyable this way. Urghhh kusut kuu.

I managed to think about only him eventhough Im at my worse state. Atleast now, I feel overwhelmed. Its a really good feeling after keeping this thing away from him. Just a slightest thought of him can make me smile and cheerful for hours. Its like im a kakuna whatever it is, ready to break free. Hehe. Boy, you're just plain amazing.

Btw, tuition was okay tadi. Guess siapa jelama2 nya dalam class? Hj Abu, Muiz, Jimbo and seorang lagi tak ingat but dorang semua from katok. Atleast it wasnt awkward, ada jua kawan kan. Hehe :bb thats all. Baiz. I still dont feel good pasal damam ani, huhu.

Monday blues.

2009-06-22T12:17:00.000+08:00

What a typical boring monday. Guess what, my bodytemperature is increasing, where I call, a very great definiton of sickness. Huhu. Cant stop sneezing and coughing since I woke up and I slept for freaking 9hours! Ani Im just lying down like a sad little chicken, haha. Was supposed to go out with Bil and As later but since ada halangan, terpaksa tah dibatalkan :bb

Lastnight was hectic, still I managed to let it go. I feel better when I let some part out of my mind though he wasnt the one whom I talked to about this matter lastnight. But its okay. Ee, insecurities ani bah like so annoying. Each day I pass by now, scares me more, I dont know why. Sadis usul ku. HAHAHA. Hope its worth it. Nowadays banar, hes unpredictable =] happiness strikes me just like that each time I see or heard of him, apatah lagi when I talk to him. Hehe.

Karang lagi tuition. Aku mcm takut if si Dutton atu mengajar Geo disana. HAHA. NOOOO. Lol.

2009-06-21T22:29:00.001+08:00

Somethings up and its really bugging me. Sigh. Im keeping away too much of my hurt feelings from him and at some point, I cant stand it anymore. I tried to stay but the longer I cope with it, the closer I am to a heartbroken situation. Please, I need to move on eventhough I know I dont want to.. I cant stand it anymore, pretending that I dont really care, ignoring all the negative thoughts away.. Its true, I do have feelings for him, an uncertain one that can never reach out to him, thats simply because I keep it away from him.
. Huhu..

gila ehh... Sakit banar! Huhu.
Kalau tonight ani mcm dapat reveal everything, huhu. Thats that. Speechless dah.

Again.

2009-06-21T20:53:00.001+08:00

I feel weak seriously, macam kan damam. Hehe, kept on coughing since lastnight. I have no appetite segala ah. I think I got infected by my mom or my brother pasal drg dua damam ah :\

Today is boring! Didnt really do much, watched Intan for the first time, thank god back to back episodenya, so didnt really missed much. Well okay, siuk jua lah that cerita. Haha :D but some part was so confusing, and ada yang bari banci pesennya. Cant wait for the last episode. Hehe.

Batah eh buka sekulah ani, somehow Im tired of this school holiday. Macam there's not much to do, and my mind singkat banar kan belajar, mind you, exams around the corner. Huhu. Oh well.. So bored eh. Ini merindui ia like a lot lot whole load of lot :]

taaaa.

Sunday morning.

2009-06-21T08:40:00.004+08:00

This Id say, I know time will always move on and days are always increasing. People often want to turn back time, I would want to either. But this time, I dont need to think of it, I want to just sit back, relax and enjoy my life though I know there will be one or more obstacles in the way. But hey, who cares when we have decent people around, AKA MY FAMILY & MY BESTFRIENDS.. And yes, HIM :) Its been few months now, seriously, I would never intend to or neither have any thoughts of leaving nor to not have him next to me.

But what if there WILL be a day, where we just have to be away from eachother? Huhu, this feeling scares me to bits yknow. Am I being over-concerned over him? Im never in denial of my feelings for him, really, there's just not much to explain ; Action speaks louder than words.

thats that.
Until next time.

A very cold night.

2009-06-21T00:20:00.001+08:00

I actually dont wanna think of the consequences of getting hurt from being around him everyday but somehow, I assume, one day, there wil be a wall that is going to seperate us, just waiting for the right time. I cant stop it from happening. But they say, better turn your back earlier or you'll suffer more. Thats the thing, I just cant let go. Sigh. I dont know what to do, banarta.

adihaus.

serenity.

2009-06-19T20:27:00.004+08:00

somehow, I miss being around with someone whom I can call the love of my life. really. I miss the feeling of sharing happiness with someone and I miss the feeling of being embrace. somehow, I want some companion through my ups and downs, and through the days and nights. trust me, living alone aint easy at times you want someone who will always gonna comfort us.

I wish to have him being called mine, someone that I will love and cherish in life, someone that I will hold on to and never let go. being around him though there's nothing going on between us, makes me happy. nevertheless, each day is always extraordinary. I cant lie, that it hurts me at times, but somehow hes just a part of me that I cant bear to let go. I dont wish to not be beside him, probably its just too late to let go. heh. hes pretty much my life routine =) a very amazing one. really. haiyaa.

so Im currently at the studio, thanks to Bboy, atleast ada spare hp. hehe. :D oh thats all then. I miss my betprengs, including soul. haha. sikit. macam not much ketawa cuti ani. lalala. well. thats all.

until next time :D

a day of another day. ha.

2009-06-16T12:34:00.001+08:00

I just got home from school. Heaps of stuff happened tadi and our bond got stronger, my mathmates I mean. Hehe. We cant help ourselves from making jokes out of everything especially when our math teacher came late. We thought of every possible reasons why he was late, and the best was mine. Tapak kasutnya tcabut iatah. Haha. Weird bah.. Didnt really do much in class cos we were having fun, I mean we did some exercises la. Apakan, hehe. Ani im at home, feeling so sleepy. And blur. Hehe. *he makes me smile always =] boy youre so unpredictable, and a mistery is always interesting. i can never be anywhere without you by my side, so do stay =)*

pictures during my life.

2009-06-15T19:49:00.003+08:00

something new lagi.

2009-06-15T17:49:00.003+08:00

whee, I finally get to update my blog yang kurang betauliah ani. hehe. Im at the studio currently relaxing my mind and throwing away everything that bugs me most of the time. seriously, some people might not understand why Im always here.. its just the fact that Im surrounded with variety of music instruments. :D and yes, the people here are very berry multi-talented, i must say. kambang tia nah. hehe.

this year, I assume is the very best year for me so far.. comparing to the other years that have taught me a good lesson in a way which suffered me alot. but hey, there's always time to let go and though I regret everything that had happened in the past, I still stand tall.. somehow.. hehe..

last day of school, us the gugurmatipenari *haha* performed in PDS, currently SMS plg.. haha, tapi macam weird ba if panggil atu. we had a blast and it was worth it. kan? usually we danced bawah tadahan dorang, but now.. alumni saja.. so sad, I miss all those treasurable moments.. huhu. macam atu ba, malayu ku bagus kan. haha. haha. mbah. I wanted to post some pictures pasal dari dulu nada pernah ada. tapi di sebabkan aku malas, iatah malas tah jua so nda menjadi. haha.

somehow I dont get what school holiday means. sama jua homeworks and assignments betimbun :) and I have two days of math holiday class which commenced tadi, tomorrow last day whepee. sangal ku duduk arah lt tu from 8.30 till 11.. kan patah ganya inda badan ku. hehe.
okayyy
so blank.....
*somehow I managed to let these feelings away from attacking him.* :)
teraa.

2009-03-24T14:53:00.001+08:00

HALLO READERS. Ha-ha, yes I know I havent been updating this thing for freaking ages. But umm yeah, the reason why I am currently starting to blog again is, well, I AM BORED. I am currently working at the place where I used to work before. Nothing has changed, the workers here, they come and go (paham ku tu kenapa. haha.) Lots of stuff are happening to me but I will only point out stuff that are remarkably fun to remember. :D so the highlight for today (so far) is..... *drum roll*

so you know how clumsy I can be and how hyper I can get. I was sitting down in my shop and there was Grease playing on the radio. And I was really into it so I sang the song, without noticing that actually as if I was screaming not singing the song. And so, the 'cookers' in the bakery section heard me pretty well, and they were actually laughing at me eventhough i know they were pretending to laugh with me. Aku serious saja lapas atu, watapak barimalu. Haha :D *to be continued*

2009-02-17T14:48:00.000+08:00

i feel better now :D

2009-02-16T03:56:00.000+08:00

I dont get how ignorant he can be at times. Oh well...

My Brisbane Trip.

2009-02-10T15:04:00.001+08:00

Didnt get to talk about it back then, I had fun really, except for the fact that things got awkward between me and Jacky. Meh. On the first day of the trip, we went to the beach. Went to Baskin Robbins, nyum :D Emma's smoothie was too tempting, we had to make it as our daily-drink :D well, basically all we did was chill. Like, going to the beach and stuff. And btw, WE TRIED TO SURF :D and how proud I am when I actually can stand on the board after so many ugly attempts. Emma did pretty good too. Heheh. There's not much to talk about though. We stayed at Surfer's Paradise for 4 days and left, stayed at Brisbane City, and then Brunei~ :D I got darker. Sheeshh. Well thats all. Haha.

2009-01-31T14:53:00.001+08:00

so, hidup ini ku hadapi dengan kebangangan. okeh, since ada org setentu cakap melayu ku tunggang langgang mcm ayam tebalik. disini aku kan mulakan post ku dengan bahasa melayu terindah. chewah. jaditah kan. so this past week is alright, not much. hmm.. pokoknya aku bangang lah. haha. byes :)

=]

2009-01-12T10:55:00.000+08:00

i had the best two days of my life this year after so long =] thanks to that one person *wink wink* so today's monday. i'll be leaving to Brisbane tomorrow, around midnight. cant wait, woop woop. cus mum's sending me off there and me and cuzzy emma will have our 5 days vacation w/o parental guidance. wohoo. lol. =]

uhh, i dont like the whole idea of working in ta morgen anymore. this place sucks =\

another day.

2008-12-30T21:38:00.002+08:00

i havnt been updating yeah it sucks. thats cus ive been very occupied with work and all shitty stuff around me. so good and bad things are happening to me. sooo as long as i remember, ill list it down. im currently working at Ta Morgen, a toyshop :D sounds ironic for some one like me but i kinof enjoy it, except the fact that, for example, no customers, nothing to do at all, i find it sooo friggin boringggg. and i hate my overtime! not much time spent at home. blabla. and because of work, i missed another trip to brissy. was supposed to go with mum but NOOO, because of the commitment im having right now, eventhough for a part time. i was supposed to meet up with jacky up there. boy he must have been bummed out that there was a change of plans. im sorry sweetheart =\ soo umm, me and some friends got busted at the centerpoint. lol that was funni. nothing great about it but mehh, you should have seen our face. we wernt even scared. and i got busted again today. erghhh. and and lastnight was liyana and abang zree's engagement day =) and and a fight broke off between me and someone but fuck it lahh. ill be honest, i got bruises on me head. haaa. dont really wanna talk about it tho. so fucked up. seee. december's mostly about fucking up. dont worry, cant wait for 2009. though i doubt there will be a change. oh well..

out of words.. i hated taking sides. i hated believing. though boy i know you dont mean every word, they really did struck me bad.

reney.

journey.

2008-11-26T19:27:00.002+08:00

so another year for a trip to canberra. this year we catched a flight to brisbane and then flew to canberra via domestic plane. didnt really get much sleep, probably slept like 6 hours for two whole days. reached canberra at around 1 ish pm brunei, 4 ish pm australia time. craazzyy man. i was so exhausted, catched a cold and had that non stop runny nose for the whole day. ate 5 pillls in like less than 12 hours. urghh. sooo.. today, the 26th december. not much really happened. emma had to tie me up to her school. ANNDD GUESS WHAAT :D itss so weird yet amusing to be in her school. i was asked to sign in at the counter and i got to keep this visitor pass till i left the building which is cool cos i feel so special wohoo. i got to see the class suroundings. how silly, they actually learn the history of superheroes. "-___- not the real one ay, the ones that are in the comic books. IN ENGLISH CLASS. in MD, we only learn general stuff like haha, nahh wudnt wana start on that. so as the day goes by, met some awesome people which i cant recall their names. met this guy name corky? "-__- hes from emma's english class..
him : so what do you think i should get for break?
me : i dont know. i dont really care.
him : why do you have to give me some attitude? why do girls always have to give those kind of attitudes?
me : i dont know/. ask emma.
him : emmaaaaa, teach your cousin some mannerrrr.
my bad corky. HAHAHAA.
anyways, we left at school around 1.50pm and catch a bus to woden, met the other fatty asians and went to civic. ate at KFC, nyummyyyy. meet PARRRRRR and her boyfriend, ant. parr's a blonde bitch now. hahaa. went to cap and then went to get some original glaze. met JACKYYYYYYY! :D his hair is black now, everyones changing hairstlye. lol. cant wait to catch up with neemmooo.
well i think thats all.

**its awkward, can you tell? sighs.**

adioss..

HA-HA.

2008-11-20T14:40:00.000+08:00

I dont like you bitch. Sekali lagi kau exceed limit, ku tampar muha mu atu! NO RESPECT TO OTHER PEOPLE. NDA PANDAI SADAR LAGI TU. Baie. Try me sekali lagi, banartah. :) Ha-ha, who are you to call us YOURS or address us as MY. FUCK YOU LAHH. Sekali lagiiii.. Cubatah. Aha. Asta. Grr.

Pfft.

2008-10-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

kusut pakk saya. just when i atleast thought of something that i would do good at, everything falls apart. macam watahpakk. ngalih wah saya sudah ni. orang menulung ani, patutnya di tolak kah? macam aku tepulang asi asi minta tulung kali. blaaarggghhhh.

whateverr lah.
they will never understand.
whateber pak pak shit.
counting years to turn myself away from here. FAKK. dont mind me if inda paham text saya. tempat melapas geram hanya lah disini.

Nyeyers.

2008-10-21T14:54:00.001+08:00

Gilerz I miss them. I miss sitting at the so called spot of us at md. I miss choir practices and choir performances. I miss having to 'curi-curi makan' in the Audi whenever we have prefect duties. I miss learning maths though at times I suck at it. I miss those nasty burgers which I gain weight from. I miss them friends alot! *esp Mush ;P*

I dont miss some of the teachers. I dont miss them haters but they surely missed me ay? HAHA.

I actually hate the feeling of losing knowledge rather than gaining it. And most of all, I hate the fact that I cant see them 'd cube' much now like I used to. :'( Nyehs.

Ta.

10 bulan bersamaku, yang telah berlaku 10 bulan yang lalu.

2008-10-21T14:35:00.001+08:00

Yknow its scary that I have to live over my past. There will always gonna be a mark to remind me of the memories we had, everywhere I go. All the dreams that we tried to pursue has its end. Funny how you can have a good life, while me going through suck up moments.

Oh well, karma I guess.
I was happy for 10 months, I guess I have to suffer for 10 months. HAHA. The heck.

Since 27th February 2007.

Curiousity.

2008-10-21T12:43:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to do nowadays. Gahd!

Another terrifying sacrifice.

2008-10-20T09:13:00.002+08:00

The thoughts are clear, and is / was, always under my acceptance. I dont want anything in return, just so you know I'll always be here to hold you tight whenever you're down. You made it easy to fall, what more can I do if this is what I have been doing for the past months ; to fall, and then suffer from a chained heartache. Trust me, Im immune. Its like, wherever I go, memories shall follow ; hidden under my footstep and live like my own shadow, who follows me through the night and make me wonder all through the day. And yet, as a weak soul I am, I still overcome things with a question no individuals can answer. Why do I still love you?

Sighs.
I set up my world with the presence of you and I cant possibly stand the fact that I have to be away from you.

All the best of luck dearest.
.......

when i grow up.

2008-10-19T17:15:00.000+08:00

2010. i cant wait.

A neverending torture.

2008-10-19T11:18:00.000+08:00

Problems are definitely arising, but I will not fall, I hope. Im settling one by one, step by step. Play games with me, dear life, because Im playing it my way now.

Guilt I fear the most, But it wont bring me down.

Waiting for the right time to turn myself away from here.

To the ones I love, sorry for being a huge burden.

Sighs.
ta.

Humhum.

2008-10-03T14:05:00.001+08:00

Second day of Raya sudah. Like nda terasa. Untuk kesempatan ini, ingin saya mengucapkan SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR BATIN. Huaha.

My first day of raya was basically a wreck --

Was everything a short term happiness? Sighs. But no matter what, we can always take it slowly, because its too soon to just let it be. You took my heart when I least expected, and when noone else ever could. =)

Im falling for real that it scares me.

- unexpected.
ta.

Confusion

2008-09-30T06:04:00.000+08:00

I cant understand why they can accept it but the others cant. Nyeah. Confused. Good and better. I are not choosy. But in my heart I know they are always the best. But but why? ARGHH! This is so confusing.

Unexpected.

2008-09-30T00:56:00.000+08:00

Peej's out. I was shocked so like zoom-zoom tarus ke Gadong because I thought she was still there. Ebbs ikut so yeah. We went there, sikali peej and alai rupanya drumah sudah. So like kecundang. Har :\ but then, we met si Achrappp! Havnt met him for ages. Met Ad. Heee. We went around mall and was hella bored. Yg lalah, asal jumpa kawan mesti tah stop to have a pretty long chat. LIKE ALL THE TIME. -_____-

Went home around 11 because nothing to do pun. Eva stayed at my place pasal si Cah main itu bball so we waited.

Eh pening ehh. Out of words. And most of all, OUCH. (: oh well, whatever happen, happen.

Missing him already. nyeh. :\
Blablabla.
mgmgeatapgwajtagtattf.
Hapakan.

A shocking moment

2008-09-29T14:53:00.001+08:00

Guess what? Its 2.42 pm and I just woke up! 0_0 so unbelieveable of me because I slept early lastnight. But I accidentally woke up at 5 ish though because Mom and Ayah was so hella riuh :\ hehe.

He called me up for the very first time. ;D havnt been otp for a very long time soo I lurr thaattt. And to know that he has his will to call eventhough Im using 3G. What a suprise eh. I laave. HAHA. Whathehell. :D

Alright, later.

Flashback.

2008-09-28T23:45:00.001+08:00

The last time I created a post was on 21st Sept so I missed 7 days. HAHA. (: so here's some stuff I remembered.

23rd Sept - Abg Mushy's birthday.
25th Sept - hilited my hair, I lavve! ;D tho Ive been called a kucing for some reason. har :\
26th Sept - Mom went to Indonesia. We went to visit Nini sengkurong's house.
27th Sept - Outing with Btc. something came up. blabla. not a good day for me.

28th Sept - Btc 15, Mezzo Seputra's birthday *21 agenya, tuha kali ah. :P * and Khai's birthday -- got scolded by my abang -- ate pe's cake *leftover ganya. HAR :\*-- went out with pe, azri, lj -- had sungkai with bils, noi and nana -- gave sam two large fries ;D haha. -- hunt for Noi punya boyfriend iaitu si Khai punya present. -- terjumpa tadpole at times. random moments but cute. HAHA :D

thats all. dont wanna get too detailed. ayte until next time.

The brighter side -- Explain sincereness. (:

Submerging pain.

2008-09-21T03:35:00.001+08:00

Its 3.19 am and I just woke up. Urghhh, I fakking cant stop sneezing since I went to bed. Ate alot yesterday I reckon cos my stomach was really sanak. Hee. Bo singgah to drop my 'fresh air' after telling him that I was out of stock lastnight, haha. Baik kan baik? Thanks bo, you daa best. =P my aunts and I went out to hunt some horror movies, where we bought 3 DVDs. The first movie was okay, didnt get to watch the 2nd and 3rd one cos I fell asleep, NGUSUTTTTT-ING. Because the kids wete extremely loud, bugs my ear saja. Sigh *

Fortunately, it doesnt hurt anymore. And Im loving yet enjoying every minute of it. (:

Baby, the things you do, are like pretty miracles.
Urghh, missing you to bits. :(

Uh meruyuuuu. Its not even cold but Im sneezing ferr shizz. :\ chioww.

two days (:

2008-09-20T11:32:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was seronok. Hailaabb! ;D
Enough said.

So today, Ayah and Mama caught a flight to China in the morning, so we have to stay over at Aunt Wee's house for few days. Meruyu tah ni here for few days, MIA they say? Hoho apakan. Aunt Contie is sleeping over here pun so its fine. Thats all I guess. Im out of words. I feel sick, arggh. Been sneezing since I woke up.

imyt. :\ *

?

2008-09-19T11:01:00.000+08:00

Where do I go from here?
Life is treating me badly.
All the worst joints are collapsing.
Suffocating me into an endless dark hole.

gptjmwmgptnwmpmglpogb!
This is so unfair!
I hate this! I hate everything. Pffttt.

Meow Eva si ayah.

2008-09-18T22:22:00.003+08:00

I didnt post anything lastnight cos I was really tired. So anywaaayss, I went out with Eva yesterday. We stayed at Gadong for a bit. Met Khals, he promised me a song so there we were trying to make a song at the stairs. Me incharge of the lyrics. Haha. First verse saja baru but it was 50 50 fine lame. Heheh. At 6, went to meet Kiki had our 'sungkai' haha. Went to Pasar malam, there ki showed me the look alike. Gilaa kan sama berabis dari siring and belakang. HEEEE. We had our own party at our usual place. It was fun cos eva was there too.

We went jalan jalan, bumped into Abang wandi! Havnt met him for ages. And some other people. Sekali at around 10 ish, ki had this fight with this girl. Taie palat ha. Kiki was having her short-tempered moments, sekali di aganya tia. Itwas between them so me, eva and pat just stood beside her, doing nothing. NOT UNTIL, her big sister was like 'kamu jangan tah kan masuk campur aa blablablaa' so I was like we are not and eva was like we know what we are doing. So she was like, okayy shut up! pokpekkpokkpekk. Atu I balasi 'youre the one who supposed to shut up' sekali another girl atu menyampuk. And in the end, kakanya crack up and said mun kan kelaie diluar bah because ia masuk campur padahal ia suruh kami jangan masuk campur so I asked her to not butt in. -___-" whateverr lahh.

Cah picked us up and went to eva's house because she needed to change. Kali we discovered that eva's kitten tergugur didalam this deep lungkang. Kesian ia menangis nangis. :/ but in the end, we saved it. So we all lived happily ever after. :D

Asked them to drop me off at Abg tungga's to meet up with the others. Went to Adi's and then Kianggeh anen Gadong anen Stadium.

Anen Bla bla bla.

Oh Lyrical Hiphop is indeed AWESOME!!!!

okai. cheerio.

2008-09-17T02:06:00.000+08:00

Ignore the post below, inda betantuuuuuu. Nyehee. Esok tah renovate. Loves.

Simplified.

2008-09-17T01:51:00.000+08:00

The day starts of well I guess. 'Lepak' with Waie, Kevin and my brother at our usual hangout place. I havnt met Waie for so long since he started working so he decided to come and visit. Things havnt changed around us, he was still the most hilarious person ever so yeah. Haha. Bob picked me up around 3 or 4 ish and we went to Gadong. Went in the Kbox and sing our hearts out. Haha rightt. We went to Qlap and look for Lawrence at his saloon. There, I talked to him what to do to my hair. Hair experiements are always good so haarr. Liat sajalah how its gonna turn out nanti hopefully. We had our so called pretend Sungkai cos we wernt fasting today so relek saja walaupun the food came late. Heheh.

We went to Gadong again and meet up with Kiki. Bumped into my brother and his friends. Stayed there for a bit, then we met Fatin and the others. (: we havnt meet up like that since ages. We were all having fun so twas good. Left Gadong, we went off to pick Miji and Adli up. Bob then dropped us off to Adi's place to meet up with the others. Went to Rio's place after that. The weird part was they were all over the place tonight. But I got to see Wanie, Anne and Yana. Yeay. Heee. It was like a renuion to us so yeahh.

Yknow how some people think that me and Eva are kindof the same in some ways and the fact that we clicked at most stuff? Only, Im like a shorter version of her? Me and Nana too, till we are called twins but only im like a tiny version of her? HAHA. Yang paling weird about stuff like this ah, Sam said that Adli macam si Reneh laki and at some point, Im like si Adli bini. Pasal kami both very annoying. Hahahah, weird but true. Like tadi, adakah he forced me to go inside the car, so he pushed me in, sampai telimpang ku haa anen nda cukup atu, kaki ku masih diluar, di pajalnya masuk bah. And when when I usai-ed Wanie's hair pakai wax, kan kamah to tangan ku. Kan basuh tangan pun he was like eh karang tah di Longkang blabla. And when it comes to making Sam annoyed, sama lah pisinnya. Haha wth.

Carrying on, we went to Longkang. Me, Anne, Yana, Yul, Ajik, Deebo, Kacung, Putih, Adi, Miji and Adli were there. Left around 1 ish I guess.

I find it well, stupid to have a life band concert on the month of Ramadhan. Dont you think? Like hillo, bulan Ramadhan for amal Ibadat ani sibuk tpulang kan membuat concert. "-____-

I think thats all. Im sleepy and Im kindof out of words. Thats all. Bye. /zzzzz.

A pleasant scare.

2008-09-16T10:09:00.000+08:00

Tell me why does this occur for the past four nights straight? (:

Im getting out of shape :| need some exercise to do. Been eating non stop since I had my pms. Boohoo.

NAHAS HARIBULAN YANG TERSEMBUNYI DI DALAM KITAB.

2008-09-16T09:56:00.003+08:00

14 Ramadhan - Kerugian terbakar.
12 Shawal - Di tuduh orang.
18 Zulkaidah - Terkena fitnah.
8 Zulhidjah - Berbantah dengan orang.
12 Muharam - Karam di laut.
10 Saafar - Binasa di laut.
14 Rabiulawal - Di langgar orang.
12 Rabiulakhir - Tekena angin besar.
18 Jamadilawal - Di samun orang.
16 Jamadilakhir - Di samun orang
12 Rejab - Di samun orang.
16 Syaaban - Hilang harta.

I think ini untuk menfiling rumah, I mean hari yang afdal untuk membangun rumah. Or was it something else. My nini gave me this piece of paper and asked me to give it to Ayah later. I got amused looking at these stuff especially ada mentioned about bangkai, ular, madu and gajah. I think if we see them time membangun atu, mesti cancel. Tapi indakan gajah ada? Hardly seen or never seen one in Brunei before. Oh well, I'll know about it better nanti. Oh I cant wait for the house tu bangun. Haha. Apakan. (:

PS:
Dont mind me kalau ada salah sabut the bulan because I kindof type what I see. Mun sudah the word 'Rezeki' jadi 'Rajki'. Bepikir jua ku tu. Har.

Lost for words.

2008-09-16T06:41:00.001+08:00

The funny thing is, though Im sad, I can still think of sweet Waffles. Hehehe :B

Oh well. Good people, I mean really good people are always around. But how long do I have to keep up with this feeling? Getting rid of it is never easy for me. (:

But I know I will, because Im the Incredible Hulk. Hey the hulk is uber sexy okay because hes green ;D haha naar jokes, its because Im super-imaginatively strong. I will be a Lawyer and marry a Scientist! *Spania slang* HAHA. See, Im stupidly happy again. -_____-"

Yawns. I feel a little okay now. So Im off to bed.

Tata.

Solitude.

2008-09-16T06:26:00.001+08:00

Oh how the environment affect me at times. Its 5.57am, I just woke up actually. Like always, alone at the verandah thinking about stoopid stuff and there goes my music player to accompany this lonely soul of mine. The amazing part here right now, the view is very awesome. Very peaceful and very blue, I can see no clouds so yeah. Birds are singing its like they are very cheerful as today or better yet, everyday begins. You know, if I could just be like these birds, I would. They seemed happy and satisfied. They seemed appreciated in this world, like for example, people let them lay their eggs on their self-built nest in their garden whatsoever, right? Blah whatthehell. I wish I could be happy all the time so Ill stop whining to people how miserable my life is. But what more can I do? Its not like happiness will always be around yeah? It hurts at some point to know people around me are happy and Im not. And the fact that they thought it was easy for me to deal with this feeling that I kept for too long. If I could list those stuff that they have said, I would. But then.. Nahh, enough said. The stupid thing is, searching for happiness hurts even more. Because when you think you're already happy, it turns out that it has been twisted or something. Oh whatthehell, this can never stop. I cant take it anymore, pretending Im strong but instead, its the other way around. Ignoring these tears that falls down every night. Faking all those smiles thinking that it will be better sooner or later. It hurts, it really does. And it hurts even more to be forgotten just like that. I mean come on, I dont feel like I deserve all this shit! Or maybe I do?

Sighs *
bhdymosf? :'(

*come and shoot me through my heart ; and then leave like everyone else did.. because leaving is what people do best..*

Blah.

2008-09-16T02:41:00.001+08:00

This heart beats faster when I see or think of you, whats this supposed to mean then? Am I denying the fact that I care so much? If I dont, why am I crying myself to sleep?

/sighs *

Unacceptable.

2008-09-15T21:47:00.001+08:00

This isnt fair.

/pdtxjdpmapmtdpapdxdqbhjgamwpnjctdg.

2008-09-15T20:08:00.001+08:00

Oh. I almost forgot. I watched Just Punishment tadi. It was about this 23 or 25 year old Australian dood who got hanged by the Singapore government for drug trafficing. He got busted when he was in Changi International Airport. It was sad and I was in tears, the fact that soo many people cared for him, especially her mother. Sadis lah. To know more, liat Crime Investigation, channel 732 on Astro. (;

I miss the Aussay accent. Nyehehe.
Sakool Holiday whee!
Hari Raya is around the corner and ps : Im still entitled to get ampaus so *cough* jangan lupa tuu. HAHA. (:

taa.

Another ordinary day.

2008-09-15T19:53:00.001+08:00

Didnt post anything lastnight, was lazy or was I just down, as in down. Heheh. So anyway, yesterday, went out with mama, ayah, hazieq and hisyam. Texted adek where at that time was out with his friends, that we all wont be at home for Sungkai and asked if he wants to follow or not. He replied 'sekajap ah. batah kaling ani. jap3' and I replied 'like hillo. bijalan jua sudah kami ni. HAHA. if mau, kemari lah. *julurs*' he didnt reply back so was all good (Y) we went to somewhere around Sengkurong to look for furnitures for our new house.

Mind you, though Ive been talking about our new house, it hasnt been build yet, but ayah told me that the house will be ready in about 6 months. Long way to go but hardly cant wait! (: nyehee. I really really cant wait for next year! All I can do now is wait for this sorrowful year to end. August has cost me a lot of tragedies so yadaa. Plus I cant wait for Canberra and meet Emma, Mummy and Shafiq. And and the whasian dolls and Jacky! I cant wait to go and meet ugly duckling which happens to be a swan? Yeah that. I cant wait to eat stuff from Subway and Krispy Kreme. I cant wait to go to the pool. I cant wait for the bus trip from Woden to City to Bencoolen or vice versa. I cant wait to take more pictures. I cant wait to play DDR there! HAHAHA. Im going insane. No seriously, I just cant wait to breathe the Canberra air (: oh well.

So anyway, haha. Was too carried away. Lastnight, Wanie and Sam picked me up at my house and went to Abg Tungga's house where I met the others. Followed Pe and Ajik to Gdg to pick up Yana. Went back to Abg's house and chill. Yul, Anne, Lj, Miji and Adli came after that. Abg Pad left after that with Miji and Adli. Haha, wth.

Its Deebo's birthday today so happy birthday Deebo. Walaupun kitani ada separk, kitani tetap beradaars. HAHA. Not. He said that I, si Ryneh inda saiz jadi bradaas. Sheesh =____= we went to this kadai in Jerudong to eat. They had fun bullying me. And sorry guys, nada effect. HAHA. =\ I was down and was in my life-threatening situation, just one more shot, I know could kill me. *sebenarnya nasi katok atu luan padas, iatah diam diam saja. =__=* haaa. LAME. We chiow sinchi after that. Sasakku Sam inda mau bagi balik my lighter. And annoying si Tam malar tarik rambutku. And telur si Deebo said 'eh Rineh, baiktah kau sisir rambut mu ani eh. Ada panjang, ada pendek. Blablaa.' HAHA. -___-"

Nothing much happened today. Dont feel like going anywhere cos its Monday. Hee. Ayte then. Buhbye.

Dedication.

2008-09-14T10:31:00.001+08:00

I can never understand how once was acknowledged as one true love can simply disappear into thin air. After so much of sacrifices and the bond we share, through laughters, happiness and tears, in the end all thats left is this scar in my heart. A scar that carries one ethical tale that can never be wound nor heal. A scar that can bring back the memories that once can never be understood and never will.

Dear love, whatever you are trying to say, this I say to you, you were my everything. If time could bring us back to our past, I'd sacrifice one more time. But I know we wont remain as US that we once knew together before. I might regret some things but I will never regret the love that was once built in my heart for you. And forever I will have this one spot for you in my heart because you played an important role in my life. Hence we live our life on separate ways now, I thank you, for everything. Boy how I missed the love we share. (:

just another friendly dedication. my heart couldnt stop sharing. HAHA.

taa.

Saturday Night.

2008-09-13T23:01:00.000+08:00

I was on my way home when my brother, Aziq just couldnt stop whining! Sasak ku. I was at my grands, ate a lot and currently full. :X ate sotong and kerang and ambuyat and tapai. Dan bermacam-macam lagi.

Liverpool vs Man Utd. Liverpool won with 2 to 1. First goal was an on goal by Brown and the second goal was by Babel. Mendez scored a goal for Man Utd. HAHA. Mental kali ah the game. With Liverpool supporters who cant seem to stop talking about the game. Ada lagi yang sampai ucap Man Utd khayal tu. Hoho. :\

Its 11pm and Im already at home, so unusual for me on a Saturday night. Online with wanie on MSN and she said rugi inda jalan on Saturday. True but what to do, my tummyache is very disturbing and haha, Im quite choosy when having pms so yeah. Mun inda, kesana sudah after my grands. Nyeah. :\ heard ramai disana. HAHA. Oh well. Theres always a next time.

I think thats all, Im too tired to think of any other things. Up for updates tomorrow.

Cuzzy Emma, I miss you.
Out with a cheer.

xoxo.

all gone.

2008-09-13T15:19:00.000+08:00

I finally decided to get rid of my old blog. Sighs. (': I didnt know it would hit on me this bad. HAHA. Okay~ breathe in breathe out. Blargh. I'll surely miss reading through my past. 9 months tu yo. Urgh. :\ sedih ku ni!

someone to talk to please? :\
harr.

out.

haters and sakk upps sitt pakk ing up.

2008-09-13T14:38:00.000+08:00

Im so fucking tired having these self-unaware scumbags who just couldnt stop messing with other's life! Hence, Im tired of having these suckers whose jobs are to bring my self-esteem down. I used to be that person who look down to herself just because of these people. But hey listen up, talking stuff and answer questions or even saying rude offensive stuff without clear evidence about me makes you satisfied ay? But sorry lah, it doesnt make you live on top of my world. Ku pijak lagi baik. (: say whatever you want, besides you guys are a bunch of know-it-all. I had it with you people. Say, Spill, Talk but it doesnt change the fact that YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME. Have a middle finger and go fuck yourself. Stop wasting time on me because these stuff you guys are doing, have the least effect on me. So buhbye (:

loves.
teeraaaa.

petang yang sungguh boring.

2008-09-13T14:14:00.002+08:00

I had a dream and it didn't make any sence at all. So anyways, I lack substances to talk about. Hemm, I miss dancing. HAHA. I miss PDS. I admit, I still am not fond of MD no matter how hard I tried. Its not that I dont like it, its just different. Hence, Im looking forward for the new buildings in Katok B. I wanna move out. I have problems with this one bitchy teacher who couldnt just stop bitching in school who thinks she's all that. God! Get a good life, you're getting old its time to do some good deeds. The teacher who called me a 'nothing' who has closed my doors to go to registration class. Pfft. Haha. :\ *ada ada saja kan ku marah* but then, who can stand a teacher who wants respect but do not respect? Mcm nada heart saja. Tiaow. Didnt mention any names right? Ayte better that way. Hehe.

I planned not to go out later but I doubt that. Its saturday and I miss my friends. (: lol. I miss Wanie and Anne. I miss Proggy. I miss Ebaa Ebbit! I miss Enn. I miss Dcube 'Drop Dead Dancers'. I miss school *cough. NOT!*

I cant wait for the new house. I already picked the colour of my curtains. I have a verandah ;D how cool is that. Dapat fresh air. Oh last two night, when me and proggy went out, we got busted by Qimi. Speechless tarus. HAHA.

Ayte. Ill be in for an update treat later. Haha apakan.

/I want waffles!

sausage besar.

2008-09-13T02:32:00.002+08:00

I tried posting tadi, sekali inda mau. Stoopid. :\ it was a long one! Screw it.

Anyway (: these are the only things I remembered. After denying the fact of something bad is gonna happen after gruesome months, I am feeling foine. Sorry for the exaggeration but seriously, haha? (:

I cooked spaghetti. Well my dad did all the work, and guess what, the sausages was great but they went from the original size to ABNORMALLY HUGE ones. It was so hilarious! HAHAHAH.

Went out with Eva and Bob, then Fz tagged along. Went to Gadong, met Peidi. He looked exhausted :\ and then bumped into Azri, Miji, Adli and Ljeh. Azri looked so appealing gila man. Like one glance macam artist and then second macam Azri tia. LOL. And Miji got curls on his hair. So comel meh.

We went in the mall, played DDR. Met my girlfriend. HAHA. :\ jokes. The Kbox at the so called rasta arcade was superb. Because it was larger and comfy comparing to the ones in the old arcade.

Fz went separate ways and then jumpa lagi at Batu Berletter. With si Juisi! HOMAIGOD. HAHA. Me and Eva were like eww-ing and stuff. It was so panni. We went to Thyes street and left around 1. Thats all i guess.

I miss my blespenggs. =\

kau hanya sementara,
tak kan berhenti langkahku hanya untukmu lagi.
because the day i thought i'll never get through, i got over you.*

We always remain as past. We'd still be friends sooner or later, just dont look back in anger cause what matter is whats infront of you. (:

status : settled.

2008-09-11T16:13:00.001+08:00

Id dare being spoken of as a bad person in your eyes, because maybe I am. The bad ballistic ass person who has been inlove with you who I cant deny interesting yet very sweet. Distinguish endless accusation and the truth or even common excuses?

Or was I just too inlove? =)

out.
couldnt be anymore stronger.

flashed.

2008-09-11T11:17:00.002+08:00

Somehow I tend to keep things to myself, hoping that it will be fine or better yet, happened the way I have imagined. Its like living in a solitary box, hiding my feelings in the darkest corner where one's eye could never even notice. Much to avoid the fact that it is really heartbreaking, as one should have said ; If you never suffer from agony, you have not experience the whole life obstacles yet. As expected the one I have loved dearly has his limits in purity. But why should I expect more? It has always been like this. Moreover, I have to deal with difficult yet painful situations alone while he make his first way out of everything, handsfree.

Sometimes I wish that feelings doesn't exist. Sometimes I wish the world is better off having people not talking to one another while minding on their businesses. Atleast noone will ever know how it feels to be hurt, betrayed or even stabbed by anyone as we walk forward, facefront and passes people without a word, not even a slight glimpse. Tssk tssk, what a pathetic theory eh?

By now, it reaches to a point where everything is just numb and dull. I indeed, have my sacrifices for him. Infact, I used to have faith in him. But in the end, whats left is me with the world alone. He left me with so much misery that I never will regret. Because I can't afford to waste my time having to regret over stuff that has already happened. What else is there to do but walkaway? Im walking away.
Let bygones be bygones.

sincere.

im so over feeling pathetic crying over you.

2008-09-11T09:17:00.001+08:00

what a stupid start to start a day. i woke up, went online, stare at my phone, pm-ed pe and tarus crybaby. i mean wtf early in the morning? hmm. just hours ago i wanted to be there if he needs me eventhough he hurted me too much. AND THEN NOW, he hurt me again -____- nick dorang somehow is connected.

but my torturing days are fortunately over. its just too much. having to feel unappreciated all the time. he hurts me eventhough at times i still wanna be there for him. and its so stupid that he cant seemed to differentiate true feelings. bukan ku kan bekira, tapi pikirlah ahh. malasku kan ngungkit apa yang ku buat, il just let it be. im walking away with my fragile yet healing heart. just remember karma, honey (:

yes no matter what, we are forevermore friends.
thats that.

this love kills me.

2008-09-11T03:02:00.001+08:00

kau membuat ku berantakan,
kau membuat ku tak karuan,
kau membuat ku tak berdaya,
kau menolak ku acuhkan diriku.

bagaimana caranya untuk meruntuhkan kerasnya hatimu,
ku sedari ku tak sempurna,
ku tak seperti yang kau inginkan.

kau hancurkan aku dengan sikapmu,
tak sedarkah kau telah menyakiti ku,
lelah hati ini meyakinkan mu,
cinta ini membunuhku.

stukin basah. apakan si kacung. lol?

2008-09-11T01:54:00.004+08:00

had sungkai at Kianggeh with BTC. there were heaps of us, well inda pulang ramai ; sam, wanie, arief, abg tungga, kachong, adib & the gf, tam, has, abang padd, peh, kamal, ljeh and azri. lepas itu we went to the hospital to visit mama abang padd. shes a lovely person and me likey. heheh. havn met her for so long, last time perayaan pulang. but still. kana ask siapa the boypreng, haha :\ and kana tell pasal si pojee. haha lurrlaa. we went to Gadong for abit where i saw my uncle *better off as an insignificant, krg melatop krg xp* at thyes. met evaa halplipe! :D gila rindu kan kediamu dang sumpir. went to Qlap after that, then chiow.

yang bari sasak ha, i lost two lighters today. my second lighter lagitia, alum sampai sejam, hilang tia. sheesh :\ but i bought a 3rd one. HAHA sekadar.

ayte. thats all.

*as the moon rises up the air while the sun begins to fall. like a sign of relief begins to show as the torture has come to its end..*
baby, we are better off as friends.

taaa.

21 things you need to know about me.

2008-09-10T10:38:00.001+08:00

1. i have split personalities.
2. when i dance, i dont think of anything or anyone. this is how i release my stress. haha.
3. when i sing, i reminisce.
4. people have problems with me sleeping next to them cos 'aku penyamak padahal byk space lagi', they said. lol.
5. i love lotions (:
6. i love guys in green.
7. i dont like people who mess with my loved ones.
8. i dont like seeing bils in tears. *dangar bil?*
9. im usually patient and i like to keep everything to myself. but when it reaches its limit, i can just go off.
10. i have a good life, but i suck in love.
11. HAHA. kalau aku menyamal, ketara! iatahh ishh kana busted selalu.
12. aku inda suka kana marah. :\ id still listen, but terkecil hati. esehh.
13. i am very annoying and i love to muck around. hehe :B
14. very much btc punya si bangang. [:
15. tesasul sana sini and never fail to introduce words that never existed before.
16. i am someone who really cant stick to one hairstyle. *im forced to admit this one. HAHA, nadadih* -____-"
17. I LOVE HIJHO AND TATAL [:
18. i love my pink banni.
19. i am inlove with techno nowadays. haha.
20. i cry easily but to ego to admit that. nyehee.
21. lastly, i always think that Canberra is like my second home after Brunei. heheh.

happy now, kawan? xpp. mun kan di list, manyak lagi to. hinda pandai abis.

kerana pikiran bertambah sut. :)

2008-09-10T00:36:00.001+08:00

so today, my day went 50 50 fine shit whatever crap. picked up hisyam from school with mom. and went home and went out again to accompany dad to the bank. and round round rimba. mom and dad and me were so excited about our new soon to be house [: heheh. so yahh. at around 2.30 ish asked dad to drop me off kerumah to wait por me preng to pick me up and send me off to meet up with si faidiashfaira *yang katanya namanya mesti disabut dgn lurus* haha :bb

we watched death race. comes the crappy part, went off at him*better off unsaid* all of the sudden. cos everything is too much. i take back my 'i stand on my thoughts' cos like everything that i refused to hear slash believe is sadly, THE FAT TRUTH. sekali, salah jua timing ku went off atu. nyeh :\ i ungkit craps tah jua, lagitia. its just, at some point, i cant stand it anymore. apanya org, desperate nda jua, telampau sanggup wah. god. i keep everything to myself, just so the burden's off him. sighs, cos mau jaga hati. pfft bodo kan saya? but then, my patience has its limitation and weakness. tiaow tia pulangg. tam pm-ed me and ada the part that he said made me guilty jua. heh. pikir punya pikirr what tam has said, kan bawa jumpa. to finish everything that is somehow unspoken. but the other side inda mauu. soo~ basically, tebiarr.

scratch that. after the movie, went to meet kiki. we havnt meet up ferr ages (: we went to the tangga as usual and talk. lol. we went to pasar malam to buy some food for the people yang sungkai with us. guess what, alif's friend kana buli saja. heheh. it was so hilarious. we go jalan jalan jalan. and talk. then truth reveals again. (: see what i mean. yeah. malas pikirkann.

si bobo putik me up and kerumah si bom. ramai yang ada. as always, kana buli :\ i reached home exactly 11.59pm. haha ;D very proud. i might have plans with wanie, yana and anne tomorrow. :) we'll see.

banyak pakai went lah. haha.
thats all.

these feelings are like tars that sticks around the heart..
break me easily, cos i am infact, fragile....

oh shoot me!
Nehyuskizou itu akuu~ (;

monday hussle my hustla? lol.

2008-09-08T21:05:00.003+08:00

so anyway, my desperado attempts on everything. scratch casanova. lets start something very healthy now =) --

i just got back home after a day out with my family. we went to the 'kamdar/kandar *?* restaurant' in Bunut and had our sungkai. its one of my so called favourite restaurants because the kadai serves SOTONG. =D so it was extra yummy nyummy. and then we went to Kiulap, beli makanan kucing untuk kucing tersayang. heheh. well, typical mama tersiyang went crazy in the petshop. i mean shes the type of person who is willing to buy expensive stuff for our cats. biasaa, kami sayang kucing. baru baru lulu gave birth to two most lovable baby kittens. COMEL HA. nanti tah post pictures. =D

tonight, she bought a cage which cost about $2++*iatahkann* padahal baru jua dua ekong anak kecil dan lulu tapi cage sebagang. haha. and makanan kucing khas untuk lulu, makanan kucing khas untuk si komet and si tiger, pasir khas untuk the cats kalau mereka digest apa yang ada diperut. hahah. and some other stuff lah.

we went to hotmart and i FINALLY bought my palmolive shower gel yang warna red. wehee! *exaggerating* and i bought listerine, at last pun cos i went to two shops tapi nada. but alhamdulillah ada. haha apakann. and my shampoo. =]

we rushed home lapas atu cos the people to pasang the cage arrived before we did. thenn... lulu dan anak anak migrate ke cage yang baru dan besar lagi tinggi. HAHA [:

im exhausted, well, still full actually. i have plans with faidi ashfaira tomorrow. we are gonna watch deathrace. watched it already but i wanna watch it again. siok kali haa. heee, tapi kesiann. bayar sendiri. *julurs at peidi*

signing off [;
light hearted.
i started to believe that everything has no point..
now im just waiting for the right time to walkaway..

edited at 9.59pm ;
my makcik and pakcik who have arrived from Singapore yesterday came for a visit. i havnt met them for a very long time, probably the last time was when i was err a kiddo? lol. they chit chatted ferr a bit about us siblings and said we have the usul singapore, as in ikut ayah kitani iaitu si yusop zaki yang tidak begitu putih instead of mama kitani iaitu dayang rusnani yang putih. tapi si adek yang kana compliment belabis cos him ada brown eyes macam bapak saya tapi putih *sedikit* macam ibu saya. HAHAH. i crap talk. i chiow naw. jealous ku tu matanya pfft. tapi atleast i have sugin like mama. and and bulu mata yang penjang tetapi tidak berapa lebat. HAHAHA. okay i hush naw.

teraa.

perom the heart to a preng

2008-09-08T12:41:00.003+08:00

i was having some of my random blog hopping time. and i dropped by emma's january post, mine aswell. how i wish i could stop nagging about how i missed Canberra and the wonderfull people there :\ though it might seen that i dont really look for them anymore but no, its just so hard to keep in touch with them. EMMA, SHAFIQ, MUMMY, PAR, BECKI, HANN, NEEMO, JACKIE and the others that i met lastminute -____- story about jackie and i came across my thoughts. never heard of the story before? since im bored, now here it goes. dedicated to the other half who once had accidentally grabbed my heart, Jackie Chan. =] --

it was funny when we first met him, he was one of par's friend and we met at funland in the city, which i heard he just came back from China? yeah i think so, the day before. a booksource, heheh, said that he cant take his eyes of me. :b:b so carrying on...

he had to leave, we did too. and from that moment onwards. my eyes starts to wander around the streets with the hopes of bumping into him again. HAHA. and then we did, couple of times. where then he invited us over to his house, through par. he cooked noodles, and my attempts to eat with chopsticks had failed =D while him trying to feed me, par didnt allow him so par had to feed me. i was treated like a baby. i remembered tossing this ball thingy with him at the backyard and basically we started to talk and ask things about ourselves. :]

the next day, we met again. but it was funny how that happened, the day before he asked par if we wanted to accompany him and hunt for part-time jobs. she agreed, and we went out BUT the weird part is, he did not bring his cv along. was that an excuse? yeah it was, according to the book. haha.

some stuffs happened after that, some dramas. i thought that we would never meet again, but we did. i was out with emma and neemo, took off to the *the arcade thing near the cinema at belco* hahah. i was playing DDR then tadaa, he was there. we went to the lake and he wrote something on my hand, it says "property of Jacky Chan" nyehaha. he left his number on a piece of paper so i could call him. hahah :]

called him, then he called back. we were otp for dead HOURS. i mean seriously, one hour is fine. but 4 to 5 hours? haha =D by then, he confessed and i think i did too. hemmm, he invited me over one day, met his mom. and he cooked me noodles and dumplings. yummy yummy. and he came over to our place, met my mom and emma's mom. he had this good conversation with my mom, suprisingly. hahah. i remembered listening to them and said to mom 'hey, how come i dont know that' hahahah. and jacky was awesomely nice to them so twas all good. they all liked him (Y) hemmm, the rest remains unspoken. the day i left, was the day i possibly could not deal. having to leave them was the hardest part.

jacky gave me a silver bracelet, a key necklace, heaps of cute books, a so called diary that he wrote when i was there, two piggy wiggy and two of his tshirts. oh hell he was the sweetest thing.

but everything changed now, and i know it was entirely my fault. but then, bet people understand why? long-distance relationship often works. sighs* (: thank you Jacky Chan. and thousand apology for breaking a promise.

its september now. I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THE END OF THIS YEAR SCHOOL TERM. i wanna go there as soon as school is over, i cant hardly wait. HARR. i wanna stay there, till january perhaps. ohmigod, i cant wait. heheh.

this post is too long.
but its for a specific friend.. (;

dedicated heart, unsealed.

2008-09-08T03:35:00.001+08:00

baby all i want is another chance.
baby all i need is your appreciation.
baby all i longed from you is for you to notice,
that im always here.
im here --
you dont have to look else where because im here, body and soul, to love you.

oh how i wish you can understand..

sighs*
what happened to 'no matter what, we are always here for you, especially me' ?
it doesnt feel right anymore, cos you are/were never here at times i really need/ed you the most..

burdens off a beat.
sighs (:

2008-09-07T21:00:00.002+08:00

the overjoyness of being neglected all the way equals to a sorrowful yayy. cheers for myself. sighs* (: i had the urge to go out, but all of the sudden.. i dont even feel like talking to anyone. we are lacking of communications. well, my fault anyway. i deny the facts that can be somehow clear. not to regret on them though. blame it all on me.

ku tau ku telanjur mencintaimu*

i know.. it makes no sense, but what else can i do,
how can i move on when ive been in love with you.

cos if one day you wake up and find that youre missing me,
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth i can be,
thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
and you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the streets..

blame me, i love you too much.
always be loving you.
always be missing you.
always be needing you.
until one day, it reaches to a point where you'd say its really over between us.

ps:
noone can ever wreck my feelings towards him. no any other girls can intimidate and change the way how i feel.

trust me, im prone, im immune. i feel better letting out, thats all i need.. heavesyawns*

omigod i have exams tomorrow. shucks. sleep early naw, later subuh for revising. thats just me me me. [:

ohh neglection neglection.
i'll wait for what seemed senseless to everyone else yet precious to my inner self..

letting out everything from my chest/heart/mind.
i feel a little better.
/zzz

i came across with a conclusion.

2008-09-07T11:51:00.002+08:00

i feel like umm, haha. spill stuffs that is in my mind currently. so --

despite the fact that i know that there are more bitter than sweet, i still love him, Sincerely. i dont know why. its like, i want to love him, the him in him, to accept him the way he already is. suffering from the consequences, im already fond of the pain - jealousy and negative points. though at times i did break down, its because i cant really stand how people talk about the situations we are in. but i know its my fault for complaining. now i stand with my own thoughts, not being egoistic or anything, but i know us better than noone can ever understand. because, i feel him, i have faith in him, i believe in him. call me crazy or insane, but this has been going on for the past 4 months, ups and downs but still im here, i know at some point, he is too.

now hey.. i might sound pretty pathetic and over-confident. but no, its not that im hoping, im not. i'll just let it be for now, whatever happen, happen. cos i kindof understand why i wanted to stay and not leave. cause without him present in my world will make my life dull. nada happiness :\ heheh.

i hope i dont regret posting this. deep banaarr. sighs* (:

woke up like 9-ish in the morning, and slept again ferr abit. ani way energetic to go back to sleep but god i feel sick. must be the rain lastnight, it was extremely cold..

taa.

subsidi?

2008-09-07T02:41:00.002+08:00

i just got back from a night out with BTC. they had street footie that starts around 8 ish or 9? im not sure, abang and murrad picked me up from uh giant and then there, stadium. with my tudong on. hato riuhh~ they were like, 'eh si rineh kahh too?'. heard some laughters around. hahah =____= but then i took it off rasakan ikut wanie main bula sekajapp. so yeah, mett wanie and enn =D missed them like terribly sudaa. we were sitting under our umbrellas then yana came. complete rasanya eh :D

lepas itu, the bini2 kitani decided to go and search for a jamban (: 20 minit mencari jamban, then di orchid tia. hehe. and then we went back to the stadium and and went to bomba station? yeah they had to take their shawarr. we went to longkang after that.

left, round kiulapp. and chiaww. i think. im leaving my blog now without complications. some il keep it to myself (: so sigh.

thats that.

new presh start.

2008-09-06T11:19:00.001+08:00

i sanak my previous blog. too much shitzo dramas. (: so ini, hello.
i was in the library doing this thing with bils next to me. i had my general paper exam and it was hmm, hard enough to make me go cuckoo and blank. =\ well its fine fine. i answered yang the arts punya question. banyak bual saja. haha.

im at home now, feeling so hungry. and cranky. sighs, idk why. pms? hahah i wish. having a convo with faidi about trust and stuffs. *dari masatu inda pandai beranti. laughs.* and a convo with *oh how i wished you're mine. blargh.*. him buat i cranky pun. hannoying =\ god i wanna saleep afterr this. very weak and hungry. lack of appetite everytime sahur is the problem. since day one of puasa bah no sahur. hoo. aytes then. [: thats that.

HAPPY FASTING PEOPLE.