`i-neh.

Monday, September 14, 2009

11:04 PM

hey, i just got back from an outing with my boyfriend and bestfriends. i know i havnt been updating, well obviously when i do update, its just that somethings bugging my mind and i need to let it out.. i am happy yknw, especially when well suprisingly, everything between us is so smooth, nothing to be worried of. but the fact that i still think im no good enough for him. sigh. its just hard, from where my position was back then, to be in this situation now with a boyfriend so sincere and really really nice.. i cant cope with it.. i dnt wanna hurt him.. idk what to do seriously.. hmm, idk what m talking abt.. jst letting out to lessen the pain.. sigh.. im out. continue next time maybe.

August.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

8:18 PM

At last, dapat jua sign in, after several attempts! HAHA :\ My mind is bothered right now, so I have decided to write again. Huhu. So anyway, yesterday was one of my best days with him so far :) enough said.

Talking about ultra ego, I'll rephrase, a very great definition of Raihana Yusof. I think at times, Im just so selfish. At times, its like all I care about is how to satisfy my life with everything. Taluu ba aku :( heh.. Its time to have some other priorities.. Kan?

He's not replying.. Where is he? I miss him so much.. Sigh..

Sunday the 19th.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

8:10 PM

This is how I brag myself, through this thing right here. So whats new? Im in quarantine mode from yesterday till this coming Tuesday, 21st July. I'll be back in school on Wednesday if I dont show any symptoms. Why? My math classmate who is positive of H1N1 somehow attend classes yesterday, so just for percautions. Semua tah kana quarantine. Means no test on Tuesday and aku ada two more days to revise cos I know test on Wednesday tu. HAHAHA. Popular bah H1N1 ani, season orang kan menyanyi lagu risau risau. See, its scary how close I was to the disease. But to me, we just have to be strong mentally and physically. Jgn luan dpikirkan, and jaga kebersihan. Eseh cematulah.

Ish, I love that dude ah. That dude who I cant seem to resist! Everyday is always a new day, with his new mystery atu lagi. Sayang, I love you even more each day. Hehe. Thats all.

Hmm.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

6:38 PM

I HATE HER. There, i said it. I cant stand it anymore. She's the reason why im insecure at all times. Why cant you just tell her to not bother us anymore?

Sigh. Im trying to be patient because I really do love him, but my mind's halfway losing control. It hurts and the pain is unbearable. The thought that left me thinking.. Thinking if she still crosses your mind somehow. Baby time will tell, this affects my heart badly, and Im trying my best to heal it on my own.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

9:16 PM

2nd day of school, full of awesummness. There's not much to say and I lack of time to do this because I have assignments to do. Hehe. He makes me smile, always :) enough said.

chow naw.

Monday, July 6, 2009

8:29 PM

I had a very hard time signing in because I forgot my password, haha. And somehow, my mind's really distracted by whats around me. Sigh. So... Today...

I woke up late and I was kindof late for school today but my registration teacher said it wasnt late so twas all good. Hehe. I was smilling like hell when I saw the Katok's building today :D met Bil, As and Soul. Didnt get to see my boyfriend today but its okay, there is tomorrow. Hehe. I slept in the afternoon, cos I think I didnt get enough sleep lastnight.

Its 8.35pm now, and Im kindof not in the mood. Something happened again, something so childish. Again. Ishh. Im so disappointed :\ and I hope my heart and mind can stand all this. Enough said. Ni, mencari ilham kan buat math pasal teacher ku cakap esuk misti antar. Haha. Time is limited now, yatah. Alum lagi ada, huhu.

bah thats all. seriously mcm nada my mood.

A week.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

10:04 PM

Today mark 1 minggu with him, so far I am happy but somehow, people are at their very best to ruin this for me.. World please... Aku nda kacau kamu, please jangan kacau aku. Huhu. Atleast for once, let me enjoy my life without failing and tumbling down again. Ngalih ku sudah kan sakit2 ani, seriously, just leave me alone. Huhu.

So aniways.. Mum and dad went to Miri tadi, dalam diam. HAHA. Supaya kami inda beriya-iya kan ikut. Nyeh. Im really excited for school tomorrow. Just hoping that things are normal again around me. The thing happened lastnight was so absurd and wrong and CHILDISH.

Lastly, just so you know.. Org menjahati aku ne biasa dah, tapi jangan exceed limit, mun nda aku yg melatup, melatup jua muka mu atu. Huhu :S seriously, leave me alone.

Another drama.

12:27 AM

Aku pun inda tau, sejauh mana kami bertahan. Mun had dugaannya cemani. It hurts when the one I love ckp aku buat ia disappointed.. Padih sangat, semua ni gnya dpt ku talan mati2. Sakitt.. Sigh. Berserah saja arah tuhan.

Dear sayang, bear in mind, I never meant to hurt you in any way. I'll cherish you till the very end, for you are the light that shines through my days, and the moon and estrellas that blooms during the nights. You are my happiness, what matter most now is you.. Your feelings.. I thank god for giving me such a loving person like you. Thank you sayang, for this chance, I will indeed prove to you that I am not the same person I was before. Because with you, I am a better person.

I love you sayang. I really do.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

3:28 PM

Hi again. Im just bored and currently not in the mood, haiya. I hope school re-opens on monday. Stress tahap maxima and I cant stand this any longer. Huhu. I was gonna do my business essay assignment, tapi hilang mood what to do. Might as well do it later or tomorrow. Later lagi keLambak. I heard my mum and my aunts kan aerobic pakai lagu poco-poco. Wth? HAHAHA. But yeah, I tried it already with bil and it was awesummmme. Hehe.

I cant wait to see him =D I really do hope school buka balik on monday.
tata.

Monday, June 29, 2009

1:28 PM

We are official yesterday. A very best day for me, never will I forget that moment sayang. I love you so much.

You know, relationships aint pure without ups and downs. But we are passing an early stage, but dah tah ada down. Huhu. I sad banar but it wont let me down. Its just, somehow I wish he knows how to make me atleast feel okay about it..

I love him, I really do. God, please make it less complicated for us. Huhu.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

12:40 AM

Number busy...
Insecurities.
Negative ba. Huhu :\

trying to throw these bad feelings away, with upmost effort.

Saturday night.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

11:31 PM

Not much is done today but I had fun, hehe. Ani I just got back home and Im so exhausted. Texted my baby but he hasnt replied yet, probably still busy because ada acara at his cousin's place. Hehe. Jahat him tadi because he teased me about flirting and stuff *sayang, cuba ta :D* hehe. So anyway, eventhough I ate quite alot today but I still am hungry. Huhu.

there isnt much to tell, really.
Sayang, I love you with all my heart. I can never see myself loving anyone else but you because you possesed my heart. Id dwell without you baby. Hehe =)

taa.
Reggaeton is rad hot!

Transformer 2.

Friday, June 26, 2009

6:20 PM

Hi again. Straight to the point, I have an outing with the MC family lastnight. We were supposed to watch Transformer 2 at 10plus but somehow every movie theatre Jeff called said the seats were fully-booked. Iatah, teng teng, we watched the 12.10am one in Empire. It was heaps loaded of fun, except for the fact that I was freezing to death. Haha. I rate the movie, 10 out of 10 (Y) really! It is actually the best movie Ive seen so far this year. Eventhough I tak bayar, tak rugi $9 tau, betul betul betul. HAHAHA. I would want to watch it again and again and again. Extra credits for the good graphics, sadang hot main actor and his hot girlfriend. Haha apakan. Enough said.

The movie finished around 2plus and I only reached home at 3. I did told him I was gonna call him lapas the movie and I did, poor baby mono tbangun. Hehe x) I closed my door for love and my heart was hard as stone, but when he came, he took away my heart, which was long ago broken, now strengthened to form a whole new better heart equipped with feelings that I assume no other people have the ability to make that happen but him. See how he has that effect on me, this is just so amazing, I can only call it perfect for me for he is the love of my life. Im just so happy to have him around. Hehe.

ayte. thats all.

Lalala.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

11:23 AM

Hi :D I recovered from my sickness, but my hormones are still messing up my days. Im doing alright though. Hehe. Anywaaays, Im looking forward to go out later. I dont know why but Im uber positive today. I want to meet him yknow, like outside, but I dont know how to ask him bah. Me no guts. Hehe.

I havnt been to the studio like lama sudah. I miss that place yatah. I might go later or tomorrow. Later I doubt pulang cos Im going out with Bils. Hehe. Bah, in for updates later. Miss him so much =)

Hari sakit sedunia.

Monday, June 22, 2009

10:00 PM

I guess everyone in my family is sick right now. Kuat banar virusnya mum ani, huhu. I cant stand being sick like this, bagi kan mengusut saja. Sigh. My dad asked me to atleast makan ruti because I cant barely swallow anything dari tadi and I need to makan ubat jua. Funny how eating can be less enjoyable this way. Urghhh kusut kuu.

I managed to think about only him eventhough Im at my worse state. Atleast now, I feel overwhelmed. Its a really good feeling after keeping this thing away from him. Just a slightest thought of him can make me smile and cheerful for hours. Its like im a kakuna whatever it is, ready to break free. Hehe. Boy, you're just plain amazing.

Btw, tuition was okay tadi. Guess siapa jelama2 nya dalam class? Hj Abu, Muiz, Jimbo and seorang lagi tak ingat but dorang semua from katok. Atleast it wasnt awkward, ada jua kawan kan. Hehe :bb thats all. Baiz. I still dont feel good pasal damam ani, huhu.

Monday blues.

12:17 PM

What a typical boring monday. Guess what, my bodytemperature is increasing, where I call, a very great definiton of sickness. Huhu. Cant stop sneezing and coughing since I woke up and I slept for freaking 9hours! Ani Im just lying down like a sad little chicken, haha. Was supposed to go out with Bil and As later but since ada halangan, terpaksa tah dibatalkan :bb

Lastnight was hectic, still I managed to let it go. I feel better when I let some part out of my mind though he wasnt the one whom I talked to about this matter lastnight. But its okay. Ee, insecurities ani bah like so annoying. Each day I pass by now, scares me more, I dont know why. Sadis usul ku. HAHAHA. Hope its worth it. Nowadays banar, hes unpredictable =] happiness strikes me just like that each time I see or heard of him, apatah lagi when I talk to him. Hehe.

Karang lagi tuition. Aku mcm takut if si Dutton atu mengajar Geo disana. HAHA. NOOOO. Lol.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

10:29 PM

Somethings up and its really bugging me. Sigh. Im keeping away too much of my hurt feelings from him and at some point, I cant stand it anymore. I tried to stay but the longer I cope with it, the closer I am to a heartbroken situation. Please, I need to move on eventhough I know I dont want to.. I cant stand it anymore, pretending that I dont really care, ignoring all the negative thoughts away.. Its true, I do have feelings for him, an uncertain one that can never reach out to him, thats simply because I keep it away from him.
. Huhu..

gila ehh... Sakit banar! Huhu.
Kalau tonight ani mcm dapat reveal everything, huhu. Thats that. Speechless dah.

Again.

8:53 PM

I feel weak seriously, macam kan damam. Hehe, kept on coughing since lastnight. I have no appetite segala ah. I think I got infected by my mom or my brother pasal drg dua damam ah :\

Today is boring! Didnt really do much, watched Intan for the first time, thank god back to back episodenya, so didnt really missed much. Well okay, siuk jua lah that cerita. Haha :D but some part was so confusing, and ada yang bari banci pesennya. Cant wait for the last episode. Hehe.

Batah eh buka sekulah ani, somehow Im tired of this school holiday. Macam there's not much to do, and my mind singkat banar kan belajar, mind you, exams around the corner. Huhu. Oh well.. So bored eh. Ini merindui ia like a lot lot whole load of lot :]

taaaa.

Sunday morning.

8:40 AM

This Id say, I know time will always move on and days are always increasing. People often want to turn back time, I would want to either. But this time, I dont need to think of it, I want to just sit back, relax and enjoy my life though I know there will be one or more obstacles in the way. But hey, who cares when we have decent people around, AKA MY FAMILY & MY BESTFRIENDS.. And yes, HIM :) Its been few months now, seriously, I would never intend to or neither have any thoughts of leaving nor to not have him next to me.

But what if there WILL be a day, where we just have to be away from eachother? Huhu, this feeling scares me to bits yknow. Am I being over-concerned over him? Im never in denial of my feelings for him, really, there's just not much to explain ; Action speaks louder than words.

thats that.
Until next time.

A very cold night.

12:20 AM

I actually dont wanna think of the consequences of getting hurt from being around him everyday but somehow, I assume, one day, there wil be a wall that is going to seperate us, just waiting for the right time. I cant stop it from happening. But they say, better turn your back earlier or you'll suffer more. Thats the thing, I just cant let go. Sigh. I dont know what to do, banarta.

adihaus.