`i-neh.

Solitude.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

6:26 AM

Oh how the environment affect me at times. Its 5.57am, I just woke up actually. Like always, alone at the verandah thinking about stoopid stuff and there goes my music player to accompany this lonely soul of mine. The amazing part here right now, the view is very awesome. Very peaceful and very blue, I can see no clouds so yeah. Birds are singing its like they are very cheerful as today or better yet, everyday begins. You know, if I could just be like these birds, I would. They seemed happy and satisfied. They seemed appreciated in this world, like for example, people let them lay their eggs on their self-built nest in their garden whatsoever, right? Blah whatthehell. I wish I could be happy all the time so Ill stop whining to people how miserable my life is. But what more can I do? Its not like happiness will always be around yeah? It hurts at some point to know people around me are happy and Im not. And the fact that they thought it was easy for me to deal with this feeling that I kept for too long. If I could list those stuff that they have said, I would. But then.. Nahh, enough said. The stupid thing is, searching for happiness hurts even more. Because when you think you're already happy, it turns out that it has been twisted or something. Oh whatthehell, this can never stop. I cant take it anymore, pretending Im strong but instead, its the other way around. Ignoring these tears that falls down every night. Faking all those smiles thinking that it will be better sooner or later. It hurts, it really does. And it hurts even more to be forgotten just like that. I mean come on, I dont feel like I deserve all this shit! Or maybe I do?

Sighs *
bhdymosf? :'(

*come and shoot me through my heart ; and then leave like everyone else did.. because leaving is what people do best..*